


What I Used to Call Home

by bumbum_ittybitty



Series: A Rough Life [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Family Drama, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Smut, True Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 01:06:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3190058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bumbum_ittybitty/pseuds/bumbum_ittybitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Ackerman-Jaeger is happy and content in his perfect life with his husband Levi, until the unresolved past he holds with his estranged parents wears down on his already fragile mindset. Sequel to Someone To Care For.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Terrors

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so firstly, I want to thank anyone and everyone who read Someone to Care For and gave me the confidence and ideas for more. I love this story, and I especially like the complexity of Eren's character. I knew after about Chapter Six that I would have to write part of the story from Eren's perspective, and figured the best way to truly convey the emotional hurt he possesses would be to give him his own story. This one is much more angsty that the first, but it will truly cover Eren's psychological journey as he tries to salvage some sort of relationship with his mother. 
> 
> Also, school has resumed for me, and though this first chapter is short, I promise that the next ones will be much longer. I won't be able to update every night, especially with college applications coming up, but I hope to upload at least once a week. <3

I woke up in such a good mood, you'd never would have guessed that my day would end so awfully. But that's getting ahead of myself. I ought to be a bit less forward. My name is Eren Ackerman, formally Jaeger. I'm married to Levi Ackerman, a short, steel eyed little shit who happens to be my boss. We'd been married for just over two years when I graduated college—early, might I add—and started working full time alongside my short husband. Ah, I loved that word; husband. I was happy with him. I hadn't exactly been very accustomed to being loved, especially so unconditionally as Levi seemed to. What with my father's early murder, and my mother's eventual betrayal of me, I had been so used to being scorned that when Levi first picked me off of homelessness, I felt blasphemous. Who'd care so much about me that they'd open their home to me? Apparently, Levi.

But even happiness has to take days off. That sure seemed the case when my usual stop at the coffee shop one morning led me to nearly have a heart attack. I hadn't seen my stepfather since they'd kicked me out at seventeen; three years ago. His greasy, shoulder length black hair was just as disgusting as it had always been. He had beady little blue eyes behind flimsy glasses, and the sort of face that made you believe that devils could assume human skin. His voice was slimy, soaked through with grime and dirt enough so that his words choked out like mud clods. 

“Eren, you look well,” his words spilled out like nuclear waste. I thought about punching him in the face, but given that I was in full view of the store, I decided against that. I stared at the counter before me, anxiously waiting for Levi's coffee to arrive so that I could just go to work. Why didn't I delegate this task to an intern? Oh right, I'm too fucking nice. “Are you seriously going to ignore your father?”

“Fuck off,” I managed to choke off before I said too much. He chuckled lightly at that, and when the barista placed Levi's coffee before me, I grabbed it and sped out before she could so much as even read off the name of the drink. I clutched at my chest as I screeched out of the parking lot, the sky suddenly very dark outside of my shiny red car. I could feel my heart pounding against its cage, and though I knew that I needed to calm down if I was driving, every second seemed to cause ti to palpitate harder. I finally reached a red light, and tried to breathe, but all that came out was a strangled gasp, followed by odd cries. I saw a slim black car pull up behind me, and convulsed aloud as I floored my foot onto the gas pedal, flying through the intersection until I was three blocks away. I couldn't stop now, and my speed just continued to rise until I saw the concrete structure that was our apartment building's parking garage. Just as I came to the entrance, however, the driver's side of my car was pushed in my what I assumed to be a car simply crossing the intersection. Dazed, I looked at the driver, and saw my mother's aged, beautiful face.

I sat awake, suddenly shocked silent by my own cries. Levi was sitting beside me, his shiny gray eyes focused on me intently. He had his strong hands on my shoulders, slightly shaking as he held me. 

“Fuck, Eren, are you okay?” he eventually gasped out. I nodded and took deep breaths; my brow was stained by sweat, and the room was uncomfortably hot. 

“I need a shower,” I murmured as I slid off of the large bed, running a hand through my wet hair. Levi said something as I entered the bathroom and turned the shower head on. In Levi's modern bathroom, the shower was just a shower head on the ceiling and a drain a few feet away; no walls, curtain, or ledges. The bathtub was about six feet away, and though a bath probably would have calmed me more, I needed to move. I stepped into the water while still cold, and let the water cleanse away my night terror's sweat. Levi eventually came sauntering in, his brow furrowed in the way it normally did when I was lying. 

“That must have been some dream,” he said, very quietly, “you suddenly started shaking and screaming, and I couldn't even wake you.” I nodded silently, staring straight into the water until it burned my eyes. I was probably overreacting my giving him the silent treatment, but I couldn't feel myself to talk. Levi, as observant as ever, announced that he'd make breakfast downstairs. Once alone, I fell against the wall, letting my hand grab at my slick chest. 

I'd been dreaming about my parents more and more often, ever since Levi had shown me the card they'd sent on our wedding. He was smart for hiding it from me, but since he could never really leave me in the dark, he'd brought it out shortly after our first wedding anniversary. It had bothered me, sure, but I didn't think that almost a whole year later I'd still be obsessed with it. I hadn't seen my mother since she disowned me, and my stepfather, well he I purposefully avoided. Levi despised him, and it didn't help that he personally knew him. I knew that if the day came where we finally met again, Levi would put his fist right through my stepfather's jaw. And I wouldn't stop him.

But I was twenty years old. Too old to be having nightmares, and too old for Levi to have to take care of me. But as I shut off the shower and changed into nothing but a pair of boxers, I felt seventeen all over again. I walked downstairs as I zipped up a hoodie, and the warm smell of Levi's cooking perked me up a bit. He was already drinking coffee, and after I fixed a plate and collapsed into my chair, he eyes me closely.

“Talk about it when you're ready.” He spoke into his teacup. I nodded and took a heart bite out of my eggs. The food warmed me up inside, and though it helped, I still felt hallow.

“I dreamed about Grisha,” I spoke plainly. He nodded, and placed the teacup on the table, letting his fingers run around the thin edge. “It was pretty damn surreal. I'm sorry I woke you up so early.”

“I worry, Eren, you know that,” he ignored my apology, “and if this keeps up, I'm afraid you're going to be broken.”

“I'm okay, I promise,” I didn't sound convincing at all, and Levi's face showed that, “I think it's just because I haven't spoken to them in so long. I mean, that sort of separation isn't healthy, is it?”

“No, but neither is homophobia and pigheadedness,” he spat. “Grisha is a horrible man. I knew he was, even before I met you. He's demented, and in the wrong damn line of work. He ought to have been a damn prison guard. Or a prisoner. But health care? Definitely not.”

“Maybe I ought to call my mother,” I groaned and ran a hand through my hair. “I have to clear the air with her. I have to say all of the things that I couldn't say as a child.”

“That is understandable,” he reached across and held my hand away from my head, his eyes soft as they bore into mine. “But Eren, you know that I am not good at sharing. I'm especially not good if the person who I'm forced to share with breaks my things. I can't handle someone hurting you Eren.”

“Then you should come,” I offered. That didn't seem like a better idea to him. “No, hear me out. I'll invite my mum to dinner, and we meet her there. I say what I have to say, and then hear what she has to say, and then we leave. Never need to deal with her again.”

“What if she apologizes? What if she wants you in her life again?” He asked earnestly. “Eren, I'm not opposed to you making nice with your mother, but I want you to consider the possibility that she still doesn't want anything to do with you.” Though his words stung, I knew they were true. My mother wasn't a very emotional woman, and usually her initial feelings never changed. Maybe confronting her was a bad idea after all. 

“I'll think on it,” I groaned into another bite. “What time is it even?” The sky outside was still pitch black.

“Three thirty,” Levi sipped his coffee.

“Shit,” I moaned and rubbed my hair, “I'm sorry. You should go back to bed; heaven knows I won't get any sleep.”

“It's a Saturday, so why don't we just call it an early morning, huh? I wanted to go shopping today; you want to come?” I nodded; no way was I going to sit home alone all day. Levi went upstairs and showered once we finished eating, and we retired onto the sofa to watch the early morning news at four. I fell asleep on and off until seven, and then truly asleep until nine. Levi stayed awake the whole time, gently rubbing my hair in his lap. I felt like a cat, but Levi had once referred to me as a stray cat, so I guess that's not too bad.

I finally got dressed before we headed out, and I was still tired as hell. It turned out that shopping wasn't the usual kind I would expect—groceries, maybe a few necessities for the house—but rather a trip to the mall where Levi always ended up dropping several grand in one day. It was well into spring, and the summer fashion lines were out. So leave it to millionaire Levi to completely restock our wardrobes, and also buy me four new pairs of shoes. Like I needed more than two pairs of sneakers, but I digress. I tried to not fight him too much on things like these; he needed something—or someone—to spend all of his money on, and I guess that meant me. Although I was making pretty good money on my own, it seemed to go straight to our savings. That meant Levi had his entire paycheck to blow on me. He bought me a new backpack for the laptop he'd bought me about a month prior for my birthday, and a new pen set for my graphics tablet. And he even listened to me rant about how quickly my old pens had died, and how I hoped the new ones would last. I always made sure I talked a lot; he always seemed so happy when I talked, and I loved making him happy.

At lunch that day I made plans to try and contact my mother. Though Levi disliked the idea, he nonetheless called up his old secretary Mike—who was now Erwin's secretary, and Levi's former informer—to disclose her number.

“You'd be surprised how hard that was,” Mike said through the receiver of Levi's phone, “she's well hidden. Almost like she doesn't exist. But anyway, here's the number. Good luck to you Eren!” He hung up, and I stared at the number hastily scrawled onto a napkin. Without thinking, I dialed the number into my phone and held it to my ear. Levi yanked it away and turned on speaker phone, and placed it back in my hand, shrugging innocently. The ringing seemed to go on for an eternity, and when I finally heard the initial spark of someone picking up, I thought I was going to vomit.

“Hello?” Her voice was weary, but familiar nonetheless. I couldn't speak, but after she threatened to hang up, Levi pinched my thigh and I exhaled.

“Mother, it's Eren.” There was a very long silence, and I thought that she had hung up until I heard what sounded like wind whipping by. She must be walking. 

“We cannot talk over the phone. I will meet you somewhere.”

“How about the restaurant on North and Thirtieth?” I blurted out.

“Yes. I'll see you then.” The line cut off then, and I felt as if my brain had been turned off as well. Levi shook me awake from my stupor, and though I thought I was going to have a heart attack, the comforting feeling of Levi's hand and the strangely dismissive words of my mother left me feeling a little less trepidatious.


	2. Confusion in the Young Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi go to meet Carla, and decipher the true actions behind Eren's childhood trauma. Though Eren soon finds he ought to have left good enough alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a little wonky, but think of it as a transitional chapter for what's to come. It's my birthday tomorrow, and it's the last week that I have to work on art school portfolios, so there may or may not be a chapter waiting for you next weekend. But after February 1, I'm done with applications and can focus on updating more regularly.

She looked older than someone in their forties ought to, but nonetheless, she still bore the same resemblances to the woman who'd birthed me. She had her silver stained black hair braided into a wreath about her head, and her blue eyes were set into slightly wrinkled sockets, yet still shone with some dim sparkle. She wore some designer ensemble; her need for material satisfaction hadn't waned, it seemed. Levi had his small hand wound into mine, and though I was shaking, he pulled me forward nonetheless. We sat across from her in a high-backed booth, and the table seemed much too small. But when I settled down and saw her whole, it seemed like the space between us was impassable. Maybe it was.

“You must be Eren's husband,” she spoke in a quiet voice that was so familiar, I could have cried. Levi offered a short sentence of affirmation before looking to me. “Eren, you've grown even taller.”

“That's what happens,” I choked out. She flinched at my words, but I couldn't bring myself to actually speak to her. She sighed and placed her diamond and sapphire studded hands on the table.

“Eren, I can't say I'm sorry, because that would never suffice,” she was barely audible. I pushed my glasses up my nose as she breathed quietly. “I could have ruined your life, hell I could have ended it, I know that now. But you have to understand the strain I was put under.”

“Strain?” I hissed aloud. Levi squeezed my hand, silently telling me to keep my voice down. I squeezed his back in confirmation. “Do you know how many people told me that you had dad killed? That you didn't want our family anymore, and wanted to try again with someone better?” Her face fell as she looked into my fiery glare. I was incapable of feeling sorry for her, and I think she knew that, as she quickly dropped the whole teary eyed facade. 

“I did not have your father killed,” she whimpered, “he was murdered on someone else's orders.”

“Whose?” I barely thought of the word before it spilled from my mouth. Her eyes steadied on some point on my face that wasn't my eyes, and breathed unevenly. 

“Grisha's.” 

I slammed my fist onto the table and stood up awkwardly, attempting to slide out of the booth. Levi was blocking my path, and as he took my waist and pulled me down, he took my head and held it beside his own.

“It's alright,” he cooed calmly, his warm breath brushing my cheek, “stay calm. Just listen.” He kissed my cheek and forehead, and when I met his gaze, he looked just as sad as I imagined I did. His gray eyes were sharp, yet softened by the awful visage of angst. I didn't like that look on him. He settled me much closer to him, practically in his lap, and held me taught in his arms. It's amazing how calm he was capable of making me.

“Eren, please don't resent me.” My mother wept from across the table, her hands clutching at her chest. “I married Grisha so that he wouldn't harm you. He is a powerful, vindictive man. He wanted something he couldn't have, and when I told him I would never leave your father, he told me he'd kill you and him, to get to me. I made the mistake of letting him get to your father... I couldn't do the same again. I couldn't loose you.

“But then he got so carried away, he believed that you were in fact his son... Oh Eren I'd be lying if I said I didn't love Grisha, but I hated him too. To this day he remains that if we speak he will have you killed, that's why the secrecy. You have to understand that we cannot be a family anymore, for your safety.”

“Like anyone will get to him,” Levi suddenly interjected. I looked down to him, and his steel eyes were steadied onto my mother with no mercy. “You've failed in your task, and that is a shame. But you don't need to worry about anything happening to Eren now.”

“What could you do?” she cried, frantically leaning in towards Levi.

“You don't know me, but Grisha does. I am the vice president of his rival company.” Levi leaned his head onto my shoulder. I could feel his warmth heating up slowly; his temper was rising. “And I don't possess the sort of posh, fake facade as Grisha. I had a bit of a violent youth—we'll leave it at that—and am more than capable of keeping my Eren safe.” He put a lot of emphasis on the word “my”. That warmed me all up.

“You mean to say that if madmen came into your home, you could keep them off of Eren?” she rose a manicured eyebrow. He tightened his grip around me, and I could feel his malicious feelings flowing off of him. I swear he's as protective as a mother bear.

“That's my burden, is it not? Excuse me for saying so, but I do believe that you've waived your right to Eren's welfare.” His eyes narrowed, and my mother nodded solemnly. 

“You're right. I don't deserve to be in involved with any part of him... but please be careful. Grisha is a jealous man, and doesn't like me to talk to anyone. I need to go soon, actually, before he gets suspicious.” I was speechless as my mother rose and took her leave. I could tell that she was awkwardly lingering for a moment, perhaps wondering if I'd rise to embrace her. I had no intent. She left and though Levi had intended for us to eat dinner, I wasn't hungry. Instead we drove to some fast food chain and gathered a few bags worth of food before heading home. 

I ate in silence by Levi's decree, barely aware that the food was passing my lips. It had no taste in my basic mouth. I didn't want to believe the word's my mother had spouted. Part of me wished I had not lost my ignorant, when I hadn't known the circumstances to my father's death, and could have at least believed my mother innocent in it all. But even as she feigned her faultless actions, I knew better than to believe the things she said. 

“Do you think my mother was speaking the truth?” I asked. Levi shrugged, his finger scrolling across the screen of his phone. 

“Personally, I hate the woman, and I've only ever spoken to her now.” He had a disinterested tone, but I knew that deep down, he was probably stressed beyond belief. He always looks so stoic, but in all honesty, he wears his emotions on his sleeve.

“Had you met her previously? I mean you knew my stepfather.”

“I met Grisha years ago, don't even remember when. But I do remember that once I was at a dinner party at some colleague of Erwin's estate, and Grisha was there with his wife. I believe they had just married. She didn't speak a word. I recall someone referring to her as a doll; all for show, but nothing going on inside.”

“That sounds like my mother,” I scoffed, shoveling the remainder of my burger into my mouth. I'd already eaten four, and was unwrapping my fifth as Levi nodded in contemplation. 

“I'm worried, however,” he let his phone fall into his lap as he reached out and grabbed my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. “She wasn't lying when she said that Grisha is a crazy man. Dr. Hannes even told me he believed that they planned the murder of your father... was there an investigation?” I shook my head, to which he was flabbergasted. 

“No, my mother called it off after the autopsy confirmed that he'd been poisoned. She said it was bad enough that he was killed; she didn't want to deal with any legal proceedings. That itself should have raised a few flags, but everyone just wanted to 'leave her be'. Then she married Grisha, and well, you can guess the rest.” I reclined into him as he held my shoulders, his face nuzzled into my hair. 

“Let's not worry about it,” he murmured. “We have a vacation to plan.” He started offering me new destinations, all focused in a large radius of Southeast Asia.

“Oh Levi, isn't it a bit much? I mean we can't go on a vacation every year can we?” I turned to face him. He cupped my cheeks in his hands and placed a long, warm kiss on my lips. 

“Nonsense,” he hushed against my lips, “we will go on vacations and spend time away as long as my bank account allows us to.” I sighed into the kiss, pushing off of him to kiss his forehead.

“If that's the case, we'll go on vacations every year until we die,” I laughed sarcastically. He suddenly scooped me up and held me taut to his chest, his eyes hooded with mischievous mirth. 

“Your words, not mine,” he snickered as he flicked the TV off, neglecting the trashy mess in the living room. He'd be back down to clean that later. “C'mon, time for bed.”

“Levi, it's nine o'clock,” I laughed, attempting to fall out of his arms. He made it very hard, however, and I ended up being thrown over his shoulder in a fireman hold before being dumped onto the bed. “I'm not even tired yet!”

“Should I make you tired?” He crawled over me, his eyes narrowed like a snake's. I laughed and held my hands up in a mock-surrender. 

“Oh no, Levi, what're you doing? At a time like this?” I was all giggly as he crawled over me, kissing at my neck and collarbone until he pulled my shirt off and laid his cool cheek against my warm chest. In a pseudo strip session, we got down to just our boxers and snuck under the sheets. I had thought that Levi was trying to do something frisky, but after he snuggled against me, I knew why he'd been so eager to go to bed. I clicked the lamp off and we laid in peace, the gentle night light of the city filtering through the windows.

“What's on your mind?” Levi breathed against my skin. I sighed and pulled him closer, his taut, muscular body like a rock beside my ever so pudgy physique.

“I think my family should have gone to counseling,” he chuckled darkly beside me, “but seriously, my mother is such a character. I remember being a little kid, and she spilled my glass of milk for lunch, and started weeping on the floor until I felt sorry for her and cleaned it up. Actually, she did that a lot.”

“Spilled milk?”

“No, smart ass,” I kissed at his forehead, “she was just always so needy. Hindsight is 20/20, so I can't really regret how I acted. But damn, she always had be fooled.”

“She's a narcissistic brat, what do you expect,” Levi groaned into my chest as he rolled over, laying almost entirely on top of me. For a short little guy, he was hella heavy. “You can't fix stupid.”

“I guess you're right,” I breathed in the scent of his hair, relishing how the aroma made me feel at home. “What's on your mind?”

“How badly I want to fuck you but this isn't the time so I gotta wait,” he grumbled. I laughed airily at his pout, reaching a hand up to rest on the small of his back. 

“Why's that?”

“You don't just fuck someone whose gone through emotional shit, Eren, that's soulless,” I laughed aloud; he was acting like a baby. I kissed at his head and rubbed his back, letting a few fingers stroke lower across his large backside, earning me a nice little surprised “oh!”.

“Let's see how we feel in the morning; you've got me all tired now,” I yawned into his hair. He pulled off of me, leaving me a bit cold, until he laid on his side, pulling my arms around him. “You sure are cuddly tonight.”

“Shut your face and go to sleep.”

 

I had the same nightmare as before, but at least this time I didn't wake up screaming. I jolted awake, extremely hot and sweaty, right around five o'clock. I peeled myself away from Levi and hurried to the bathroom, almost sick. I quickly jumped into the cold shower, leaning against the wall as I steadied myself. It was even worse now; I'd seen my mother, her cold eyes, staring down at me, as she pressed her pedal down and rammed her car even deeper into me. But it wasn't the car hitting me that hurt. No, it was her blissful existence that drove me crazy. I didn't want to ignore what my mother had said, but I definitely didn't want to believe her either...

I felt trapped in the chilly corner of the bathroom suddenly, and barely dried my legs off before barreling back out into the bedroom. Levi was still calmly sleeping, and though I was a fucking mess as I tried to gather some clothes, I made it out quietly. I changed in the living room, my hair damp as I sat with my eyes trained on the mess we'd left. Levi must have been worried about me if he didn't think to come down and clean up like he usually did. I took care of the trash and started the coffee pot before collapsing on the sofa, the soft early dawn sky dimly illuminating the room. I turned the TV on, and let my ears hone in on the sound as my mind wandered.

I was slowly, and unevenly, loosing my mind. Levi was so good at distracting me, I couldn't even remember yesterday's events clearly. Though I appreciated that he wanted me to be happy, and solely happy, his ability to completely wipe away my worried temporarily left me unable to even decipher my own emotions. The vacation catalog was still on the sofa, and as I mindlessly flipped through it, I felt a whirlwind of emotions sweep through me until my brain settled on one. Doubt.

I'd worked for years to eradicate the most severe of my pains regarding my parents. I was twenty years old, happily married, and in a secure job—what else could a kid ask for—but I was plagued by those horrible memories of the past. I was angry; they'd ruined me. I decided there on my sofa that it didn't matter if my mother was telling the truth or not, and that these ends didn't justify her means. I wouldn't see her again, and I would try to forget about the both of them.

Levi woke around six, as usual, and got into the shower upstairs. I couldn't even get my mind to focus on going in to work, but knew that I would have to go. Not that sitting around would do me any good. Levi came down in pants and a button up, with his black tie slung over his shoulder. His iron eyes were steadied onto me the moment he came down the stairs; he never missed a beat.

“What's wrong, hon?” he passed me a quick kiss to the cheek as he made a beeline for the coffee pot. “You've been up for a while?”

“Ah, yeah, I uh, didn't sleep well,” I was so unconvincing, but Levi ignored that. 

“I've got a meeting at noon today, wanna come? It'll be boring as hell, but maybe it'll be better than sitting around all day.” He sipped his coffee as he sized me up. Damn him; he could take one look at me and deduce what had happened. “If you go to work today, that is.”

“I can't keep missing work, I'm barely ever there,” I fought back weakly. 

“You're there Monday to Friday, that's already more than me,” he scoffed. “Besides, if I'm your boss, then I pick what absences I make count.” I shook my head as I rubbed my tired eyes. 

“I'll go, I mean you never listen at them anyways,” I teased. He smacked his ass at me and I laughed as I rose up the stairs, feeling a little lighter as Levi warmed up the apartment. But something just felt off. Not like something was wrong... but I felt that something was coming. Or, I was just being a paranoid idiot. 

I walked to our closet to gather up a tie and jacket, when I was suddenly tackled onto the bed from behind. I screamed out in surprise, and started flailing my arms and legs to escape. The stronger aggressor climbed over me, and pinned me to the bed. Of course, it was my god damned husband. 

“Levi, you scared the shit outta me,” I cried, my heart beating erratically. He laughed and aggressively attacked my mouth, biting down on my lip erotically as he did.

“Spaz,” he moaned into lips. His hips started to grind at mine, and in an instant, we were half naked. “I waited like a good boy. We're going in late today.” I resigned to my fate, happily placid as my lover attacked. But the nagging feeling in my stupid mind wouldn't go away, though the hot, messy pleasure I received sure was effective at distracting me.


	3. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is haunted by night terrors, leaving his hardhearted lover to drastic means. However, Levi's reaction to Eren's paranoia may indeed be well founded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okayyyy, I'm sorry. I had probably the worst two weeks of my life, with a lot of personal drama. Plus I started my second job, so add that in... Nevertheless! I hope to be updating on a more regular cycle. Sorry! I appreciate all of you who've read so far!! *PS, I plan on releasing shorter stories soon, usually au's!*

In a sticky, disgusting cold sweat, I crawled away from Levi's embrace and towards the bathroom. I was gasping in heavy, uneven breaths as the water of the shower berated my neck. This was getting worse; I was having awful, excruciatingly painful dreams every night now, though I hid it well. Or, as well as I could. The purple bags below my eyes begged to differ. But this was beginning to really worry me. I couldn't sleep in past five o'clock, and the little sleep that I did get didn't seem to be settling in.

Levi hadn't awoken when I'd left, which put a small part of me to rest. Levi wasn't an energetic youth like me; he needed his rest, and it pained me when he woke to me sweating like a pig on our bathroom floor. I laid there for a good twenty minutes before I began to shiver. I pulled myself up and dressed in sweatpants and a thin white tank top, silently sneaking past my love. I clicked the ceiling fan on as I left, as the room was incredibly hot from my night terror.

I was a zombie as I made coffee, slumped onto the sofa, and mindlessly began watching cartoons. I couldn't focus on the colorful scene before me, even as my favorite character dropped some heavy foreshadowing. I felt immensely guilty; I was becoming so wrapped within myself I was neglecting my relationship. Levi was the best thing to ever happen to me, but as I withered away after months of sleepless nights, I felt as if all of my youth had seeped into him. We'd switched dynamics. He was always trying to cheer me up, now, even though he was the grown man, and I was still a brat.

“Can't sleep?” Levi's sleepy voice called from upstairs. I remained silent, and within a few moments I heard his footsteps padding behind me to place a kiss into my hair. “This isn't healthy, you know.”

“I know,” I turned my head, allowing him to place a kiss onto my cheek. “Sorry; did the fan wake you?”

“I didn't realize how hot it was until I finally cooled down,” he flopped beside me. His gray eyes were focused intently on my face, studying the reactions I would make. “Eren, this is getting out of hand. I can't stand seeing you like this... so paranoid that you can't even sleep. So, I'm making an executive decision.”

“What's that?” I turned and watched him as he rose and floated to the kitchen to retrieve his coffee. 

“We're moving.”

“What?” I gasped, nearly choking on my own tongue. “Why would we move?”

“I know you better than you give me credit for,” he kissed my nose as he sat beside me again. “That, and you talk in your sleep. You're afraid that someone is going to come for you.”

“No...” I was so bad at lying, “I'm just afraid something bad may happen to us.” Levi groaned a tired sigh before his warm hands rose to hold my cheeks. 

“Eren, you know me well,” he warned, “but you don't know what lengths I've been forced to in my life, nor do you need to know. So when I tell you that you are safe with me,” he pulled out a long, warm kiss, “I mean it.” I nodded slowly, not entirely sure if I should believe him, when he suddenly scooped me up bridal style. “Now, it's only six o'clock on a Saturday morning, so we're going back to bed.” Well, that was that.

It turned out that Levi was entirely serious about moving. We were to attend four open houses later that day, though it was bittersweet. I'd been with Levi in that love nest of ours for so long, I couldn't imagine us anywhere else. But he insisted that I would like his selections—all a minimum of forty thousand square feet on four acres—and who was I to protest. I managed to fall back asleep for a few hours, until Levi shook me awake around eleven o'clock, another nightmare thrashing me about. He held me close as we fell in and out of sleep until his watch dinged noon, when we both rose to shower and dress.

We piled into Levi's sparkling Lexus and headed out on our house hunt. I felt my jaw fall slack, however, when we reached the large suspension bridge that connected Rose and Sina. The glimmering city of Sina was where the elite lived—though Levi and I were obviously a part of that tax bracket—and the unfortunate home of my shitty family. My panic was visible on my face as Levi reached over and pinched my leg.

“Calm down,” he cooed gently as he paid the toll to cross. “Trust me, baby.” With that pet name, I was a dribbling mess the entire forty five minute drive. I realized that Levi was right when he said not to worry; we soon drove up to a glittery gold gate, where Levi announced his name and produced our ID's. We were admitted, and I looked around as I saw the extensive security features of the gate. As rich as my stepfather was, he was nowhere near exclusive enough to enter the Crossed Swords community.

It was so boring I thought I'd die. All of the houses offered the same amenities—pool, three or four stories, walk in closets in every 10 meter by 10 meter bedroom, plus large, whirlpool bathrooms—but they all resembled what Levi's apartment had been before we'd gotten together. 

Lonely opulence. 

Nevertheless, Levi questioned me on which one I liked, and I remember agreeing on one that happened to have a veranda out the master bedroom and a large garden space around the western side. Levi handed the realtor a nice check with seven figures, which turned out to be the deposit, and about one third what the house was worth. He'd pay it off for one year in a hefty mortgage schedule his executive status allowed him to afford. While I was indeed impressed that he had bought a mansion with a check, I was a little worried. 

Levi usually didn't rush things; it was as if I was watching someone I didn't know haggle with the realtor. He'd mentioned moving the year before, when we were still honeymoon sweethearts, but had dropped it just as quickly. Now we were calling a moving service up to box up our scant belongings—besides our clothes and my electronics, we had very little furniture—and completely move our life. We'd have to spend a fortune to furnish this large house, just to fill enough so that it wouldn't echo. When Levi left, for whatever reason, I'd be alone in a large tomb rather than my previous warm hole.

Nevertheless, Levi was illuminated by the move. He was incredibly liberal, and dropped me off at a furniture outlet with his checkbook and a tender kiss. I imagined this was like when we first met, and he lavished me with incredible gifts; he was spoiling me, that much was true. He was a complex man, and often hid his intentions in his deep pockets. True, I didn't want to play homemaker, but from the slightly panicked way Levi's hands had held mine, it seemed like he needed me to. And who was I to deny my love what he needed?

 

About a week passed, and we were almost entirely packed. It was amazing how easy it was to move; I remember being a small child when we moved into my stepfather's home, and how difficult everyone said it was. Perhaps that was just because they had dead weight in the form of a distraught eight year old. 

I was packing our sentimentals, like our underwear, pictures, and all of the things we used in the bedroom: my laptop, his briefcase, and our... unmentionables. Take that as you may. My hands shook a bit as I lowered pictures of us from the tropics, smiling wide, toothy grins at the camera. Levi's toned chest shone like alabaster beside my tanner skin, a shining white god beside me. I smiled softly down at the images of us we'd snapped everywhere, from the deck of our boat, to the soft sheets of our cabin. There were pictures of when we'd gone to the mountains in the winter to see snow, and of the disfigured snowman I'd crafted. It was painful looking at all of these pictures, and thinking of how they would soon be scattered across a giant manor home.

The door opened downstairs, and the comforting sound of shoes hitting the stone foyer alerted me to Levi's return. I called down to him, confirming my location as I began taping up a box. Levi and I had been alternating days at work, with the one staying home working on the move. It was Friday, and we would be officially moving into the house tomorrow morning, with everything moved in and placed by the next Tuesday. I hoped, at least.

“Levi, did you already eat? I'm starving,” I called, checking my watch. Strange; it was only one o'clock. “Was it not busy? You're home so early.” The silence struck me as odd; though Levi seemed to be a man of little words, we had passed the threshold of intimacy long ago, and he often talked me ear off. “Levi, honey? You alright?” I turned to exit our bedroom, heading down the hall to meet him. To my surprise, the figure I met was a good head and a half taller than me.

That was not Levi.

I ran back to the bedroom, but my heel was caught and I slammed down hard onto the hardwood of the hallway. I heard sharp ringing in my ears as I tried to crawl away, but the large hands grabbing at my back were stronger than me. I was picked up and felt a sharp blow to the back of my head, and with that, I was out.


End file.
